Depression?

[WhiteAngelica]

Hey, DoubleM. I know many of you from years ago and others, friendly names I recognize. I'm sorry I haven't engaged much. Other than some worsening health problems, I have had a bout of horrible, horrible depression

It started with the state of the country, the world, the news. How cruel people treated each other in comments on YouTube (and when you're depressed and in pain, YouTube can both draw you in and spit you out at the same time. I basically look at videos of cats and pitties (pit bulls, but any and every animal really)

I can't believe I've written this much. I can't even write back to a couple of folks I really care about. And ironically, the burr in my side? Not having friends. Being in a town where making friends is next to possible. Being lonely AF.

I'm sorry this is a trashcan of detritus. It's just a personal situation that has snowballed into a bad place. I'm wondering if anyone else struggles with any of this crap: health issues, loneliness, feeling so overwhelmed by the state of the world that it has changed the fabric of who you are.

My friends, btw, are busy getting married and giving birth. Needless to say, that is not how my story turned out.

Take heart to all of you.

I mean it.

[Lokey]

I'm so sorry. You are not alone, I have so many things that are depressing going on it's overwhelming and I don't know what to do. Besides the state of our country and the world I also have health issues exacerbated by mold in my home. Kratom helps me immensely but I'm starting to get impatient and know I need either the mold remediated or to move but nowhere to move to that's decent anyway I can afford.Mold may have been the cause but I don't know. I've had two sinus surgeries and damaged my teeth, to no avail, was told they were the wrong procedures and need another surgery. I have an insurance claim for one bathroom that is taking forever and turns out the other bathroom leaks also. I'm almost 69 years old and my son and 2 cats live with me and I'm getting by working part time but don't have the money to tear up my home and get it repaired. One of my cats has asthma, I also love dogs, a lot of my Facebook feed is dogs in need of rescue or lost and found. Not good for depression. Because of health issues I stopped socializing before the pandemic, have not gone out in ages other than shopping or taking elderly mom to library. I stopped keeping in touch with friends long ago. If it weren't for mom and son I might move but mom's 88 and don’t want to move far and in South Florida there's nowhere to downsize I can afford to move with son. I tried to buy a manufactured home and they didn't approve him, strictly 55 and over, who wants to live somewhere if you have to fight that BS? My son works but doesnt make enough to afford a place, at least he pays rent. Sounds like you're much younger than me though, if I were young again I can't imagine wanting to bring a child into the world the way it is and the chances of it getting better. It is very sad! I think anxiety and depression is a normal reaction to reality. I'm sorry this wasn't helpful or encouraging, just my reality.

[Jking]

Well I’ve dealt with a sense of depression for a long time that has only gotten worse through out the years. I live in a small town, and have no one I can really talk to. At least I can’t bring myself to talk to them. Like you many of my friends have kids, and have moved on to other things which is totally understandable. The worst part is the other half of my friends are dead either by suicide, burning to death in a car, or overdosed alone in someone’s driveway. At this point I just try to move forward because time helps but the scars are still there. I’m not good at talking about my feelings but your not alone. Trust me almost everyone is hurting in some way. Sadly though some of us either deal with heavier stuff than others, or are not good at handling tragedy to begin with. Some people are always gonna have problems.I look at the world, and it feels so cold compared to how it used to be. It makes me not even won’t to interact with it but I have no choice. I’ve been in, and out of psych wards. Tried to fill the hole with drugs which ended just leaving more scars. I have no idea what to do to get better other than not giving up which is really hard sometimes. The only thing I know is if I hang on things might get better. I also trust god to look out for me, and mine. I really need to stop isolating but I see the world, and think why should I interact with people when things are like this with to much self interest, and not enough actual friendship. I’m lucky to have a loving family though which honestly might be what stop me from either going crazy, or committing suicide. Just do your best please because things can change for the better quicker thank you think. I wish you the best, and hope things improve for you.

[BallzDeep9]

Hey, DoubleM. ... And ironically, the burr in my side? Not having friends. Being in a town where making friends is next to possible. Being lonely AF. ... wondering if anyone else struggles with any of this crap: health issues, loneliness, feeling so overwhelmed by the state of the world ...

You have friends here on Double MM, Angelica! . Not to worry, Many of us came to Kratom with depression, in fact Most ? So you're among friends, here, and Thanks for starting this... I finally figured out, and was diagnosed "Major Depression" many years ago - after my depressing Job, relationship, finances, Lots of things - And my response, my coping mechanism - was to blow off my Time. Yes. Spent years doing things to avoid, facing up to, or dealing with... The issues. Watched lots of TV. Took lots of drugs. Read a few comic books... Was late to meetings, or didn't even go... Did lots of little things to blow off my time, and it turned out - Years of my Life. Saying this here, because I know others here can relate!! Thanks for listening.

We can find friends, community, and support... in strange places. Somehow this place, online, helped me through the Pandemic... I know it's helped others too.

[IndelibleDotInk]

Hey, DoubleM. ... And ironically, the burr in my side? Not having friends. Being in a town where making friends is next to possible. Being lonely AF. ... wondering if anyone else struggles with any of this crap: health issues, loneliness, feeling so overwhelmed by the state of the world ...

You have friends here on Double MM, Angelica! . Not to worry, Many of us came to Kratom with depression, in fact Most ? So you're among friends, here, and Thanks for starting this... I finally figured out, and was diagnosed "Major Depression" many years ago - after my depressing Job, relationship, finances, Lots of things - And my response, my coping mechanism - was to blow off my Time. Yes. Spent years doing things to avoid, facing up to, or dealing with... The issues. Watched lots of TV. Took lots of drugs. Read a few comic books... Was late to meetings, or didn't even go... Did lots of little things to blow off my time, and it turned out - Years of my Life. Saying this here, because I know others here can relate!! Thanks for listening.

We can find friends, community, and support... in strange places. Somehow this place, online, helped me through the Pandemic... I know it's helped others too.

^ fact

[add to descartes]

the world is awful, or maybe it's just this country.

have you considered talking to a therapist, or maybe trying an antidepressant? talking can help a lot on its own. not everyone likes meds, but for me they're tremendously effective, once you've found the right one(s). I have dealt with major depression for most of my life, since my early teens. I wouldn't be able to do it without meds and therapy.

mental health is important, and if you're having serious problems, don't neglect it, it doesn't get better on its own. I have had to work through a ton of things recently, then a few weeks ago, my dad suddenly died, completely out of nowhere. if I wasn't in a better place mentally, I have no idea how I would have reacted, but it would have been really bad.

[terposton]

Angelica I'm sending you hugs. I wish I lived near you. Depression is how I found Kratom and it's helped so much, especially whites and greens. But just know that we are thinking of you.

[Babel-17]

It happens to the best of people, maybe they're even more likely to have had some, due to self awareness.

"This too will pass", as the old saying goes.

[froggy33]

Depression affects most of us. It definitely affects me. We try and look outwards for answers and relief. What I have found is a lot of the answers include looking inwards. Changing the way we look and think about things. That being said, I definitely believe in chemical imbalances and have studied it. Positive lifestyle changes and medication if needed are here to help. Connections with others is very important, instead of isolating which I have done a lot of. There is no cure all but this community has been a blessing. All we can do is take it one day at at time.

[FartBlaster]

Try exercise

[HalcyonicFrankfurter]

I'm sorry this is a trashcan of detritus. It's just a personal situation that has snowballed into a bad place. I'm wondering if anyone else struggles with any of this crap: health issues, loneliness, feeling so overwhelmed by the state of the world that it has changed the fabric of who you are.

I 100% relate. You've got a good vocabulary. I had no idea what detritus meant.
I started using kratom 4 years ago because of IBS and depression. After COVID hit, I fell into even deeper depression cause at the time I thought so many people would die and the repercussions would be immeasurable. It turned out bad, but not in the way I initially expected. I also just don't see a future for my country - it's over. I've begun falling in love with some "3rd world" countries and how much happier and connected the people seem there (after watching numerous youtube videos). I love the way food is so much more natural and you don't get these big corporations producing "the people's brand" of everything in a box. I'm sure if I actually lived elsewhere it wouldn't be as rosy, but still.

I also feel isolated like you. I haven't had a deep connection with anyone for about 5 years. I'm the type of guy that likes to be very open and talk about "deeper" things more quickly than others I guess. There's a good chance I have aspergers and so socializing doesn't come naturally to me. I often have to force myself to go out (other than to the store). I'd rather just stay inside and work on my software, watch youtube, research interesting topics, transmit things, and occasionally play some old video games. The only thing I don't like about that lifestyle is the lack of love. I don't even really want many friends; I just want someone to love.

Kratom for me is a blessing, but also a curse. It makes me very productive and fixes my gut, but on the other hand, content with being alone. I think at some point I will need to give it up or at least reduce to a dose that only eases my gut pain and nothing more. Cause once it starts to get euphoric is when I feel like I could be happy alone forever. I did want to get married some day, but I don't see that happening.

I figure there are probably a fair amount of people in the same boat. Many who work online (possibly due to COVID) being isolated in front of a screen all day and using kratom as a crutch to get them through a very unnatural lifestyle. That's not good. There's a youtuber I watched here and looking back at her old vids on quitting kratom, it became clear that her living situation was not ideal and very isolating in a small studio apartment.

My gut just doesn't function right and I'm often left with a burning rot feeling that won't go away for days at a time. I've seen several doctors; had a scope procedure and they found nothing wrong and gave me antispasmodics even though I told them it's not cramping pain. They didn't work (as I expected). I believe I have whatever Kurt Cobain had. The gut is still a very misunderstood organ. For a while the doctors got me thinking it was all psychological, but I doubt that given that it's real physical pain - not emotions. I was blessed to have found kratom. Didn't think it would work.


Well, what can I offer? It's pointless for me to write that much and not offer anything. I would say to first, stop looking at social media (youtube is okay though) and find something you're passionate about to work on. When you do work, it takes your mind off of the terrible things you have no control over. I know it's bad to hide from things, but if you can't control them, then I think it's fine to push them out of your mind. For me personally, programming is great cause it fully occupies your mental faculties. Doing art might be nice, but may not make you feel better. Any type of work or hobby that fully occupies your mind is best. And of course, going outside more and getting exercise would be good too.

[FartBlaster]

Agmatine sulfate is supposed to be good for depression. Take agmatine and creatine and lift weights